As a mom, I have moments of great frustration and a constant feeling of being overwhelmed. I had to learn the hard way that my performance as a mom didn’t matter near as much as my ability to receive grace and mercy from God on a day-to-day basis. I learned by trying to do too much. Trying to be like other moms. I failed because another mom is not who I am purposed to be. I forgot to fall on my face in those moments of frustration and to cry out for help. I finally turned to a sweet friend. She told me to stop putting pressure on myself and to relax. I had to practice this. I had to let go of some things I thought were important and sit in mercy. I had to study what mercy actually means. I had to be late to church, or not go at all. I had to let messes stay put and wait a day to clean up. I had to apologize to my kids for my anger. I had to ask for help. I had to admit I couldn’t keep it all together by myself. And I sat. I sat in forgiveness, mercy and grace.
It was so comfy. My faith grew more than I knew it could. And I kept sitting. I realized about a year later I was now off balance. I forgot that faith propels movement and that my life had been won so I could fight for others. I had to get up. I had to receive grace and move on into victory. Victory for myself, but just as important, victory for others. I had to show the love I had been shown.
Whatever my moment is – a mom moment, a single moment, a newly married fighting independence moment, a bad work environment moment, a sickness moment, a troubled relationship moment – I have to sit down and receive. Get some faith. Get some love, and then get up and fight. I have to put my trust in the never-ending God given mercy and get up. I have to find someone who is in that same moment and love on them. Help them to sit and receive. Tell them how it happened to me too. Then help them to stand and start fighting together. Fight for that hopeful light that frightens darkness. Talk together about what’s hard. Why is the situation so difficult and what makes you mad, then look at each other and decide where the hope is. Come to the conclusion that it may not change for a while and then ask God to change me. I have to do this everyday. I get offended and then I sit in offense, with no grace or mercy in my heart. I get hurt and I sit in it until I get angry. But, because the word is in me, my hurt turns into hope. I ask God to change me and something is lifted off of me. I see his perspective and my mind clears. My emotions calm and then I get up. I have to fight for it. This cycle may not end, but it will turn into hope faster. The more I practice.
There will always be times when I need to sit again. I need to relax and receive that mercy. I need to rub it all over me, swim in it and make sure it sticks. And when I get up, I need to stand in it. As I start to walk again, things will get busy and things may bring me down, but it’s still on me. It’s not going anywhere because he said it wouldn’t.
In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest in me.