Carry Me

WARNING: This is coming from a selfish girl learning to be selfless.

I’m not going to lie. I look at single ladies or newly married ladies and sometimes long for their freedom. I think specifically about their morning routines. They only have to think about themselves. They can take their time showering, shaving, and actually taking a brush to their hair. (My friends always comment on the days I brush my hair.) They don’t forget to put on deodorant or brush their teeth. They make plans at the drop of a hat and run out of the house for a quick coffee with a friend. And then I remember being single and longing for my husband. Then I remember being married and longing for children. Then I remember having children and longing for my freedom. Then I feel guilty for longing for anything.

Isaiah 40:11   He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

He knew all the time. He knew it was going to be ugly and beautiful all at the same time. He knew those toddlers would drive you crazy and suck the life out of you and make you long for the past. This passage makes me think he has a little extra grace for moms going through the “little” phase. It gives me great comfort that I am doing enough and I am enough. He tells me he’s got my back and will carry me through it. It tells me to drop all the unimportant stuff and do only the things that really need doing.

It says, “carries them close to his heart.” I think I feel it. I understand his heart more when I’m down in the ditches trying to make my child obey. I have to step back, compose myself and my anger, and become gentle again. I have to find my patience and forgive my child and myself. When I step out of that ditch I feel his light and I stop trying to walk on my own. I give in, carry me. I long for you.

© · Kelli Sommers All rights reserved